45

Nothing new to detail really, mostly just trying to figure stuff out and sort through people's bullshit to get to the answer that I want. You know they say that if you don't get the answer you were looking for, you didn't ask the right question. I have no clue why I am rambling on about this, serves no purpose really, it kind of reminds me of English class. My teacher would always get on my case because I write ridiculously long sentences with out correct punctuation any where in site, it still to this day makes me laugh, because I honestly still haven't a clue if I write correctly or not.

I find girls so dearly strange indeed. I find it hard to fathom how their brain works, seriously I am befuddled and amazed at the way they conceive information and the way they communicate it to guys, or well me in a specific example.

I tell a girl that I am interested in her a while back. We start hanging out more frequently, even though she is slightly younger than me. But here is one of the many problem, she is well liked by pretty much every guy that goes down to the beach, and I don't blame her for that. What I do blame her for is inviting me down to the beach, when she has a group of flirting guys at her every whim. Yet she says she wants me to come down to the beach and that she misses me, after I didn't talk to her 'a lot' like I usually do, I just kept quiet and walked with my brother to Arby's for a chocolate milkshake (and of course his friends decided to tag along aka the pack of guys) and the whole time she's talking to me asking me what's wrong, etc I would just ignore her or just kept quiet.

I just don't know the nerve of some people sometimes. You give the big "fuck off" to me twice in the same week, I am bound to get the message, but when I finally get the message that you don't / can't hangout, don't expect me to jump up and be overjoyed when I do see you, because that is bullshit and you know it!

I am not going to compete with people who are younger than me, I am the Alpha male and I won't even compete with a pack of lowly wolves. I won't compete for you if we aren't together, there is no point to it, that's like chopping down a tree to get to the seeds to plant more trees, doesn't make sense.

Goodnight

44

Sorry I haven't wrote a blog in forever, I have been working constantly and reading a lot and I have not had the time to sit my butt down to actually write something as useful as my blog. Well I guess this will probably a typical blog: me complaining about people. I try and I try not to judge people I do not know, but is it okay to judge someone based on their actions, I think there is a little legitimacy to that, isn't there?

The blog and my previous blog (#43) have the same thing in common, the same girls are involved with an exclusion of one, who I do not hold any accountability to: Melissa. She is the only one left out of this whole conundrum of me speaking illicitly.

So let me tell you about my day the other day, I knew it was going to be a frivolous and overall rainy day the next day. So I invited my friend Mindy to go see a movie with me, she had informed me that her two friends, Emily and Rachael would be sleeping over her house that night. I told her that it was not a problem, I could pay for one twin and she could pay for the other, money wasn't an issue for me, I could have easily paid for all if I wanted to, which was what I was going to do, so as I get excited for the day to come I realized my mom would need the car to go to a baby shower. So after I went to work, I came home took a shower, shaved, etc. Got all ready to go out and my mom arrived with the car, I soon left the house to go on to my adventure with Mindy and the Twins and watch a movie that I wanted to see for a long time (Year One).

When I was about 85% there already, receiving calls to verify that I was coming. I soon came to the mall, to receive this call:

Ray - "Hey Alex, are you still coming?"

Me - "Yeah.. I'm almost there, I'll be there in like 3 minutes"

Ray - "Ohh.. well nobody has money, so we aren't going to see a movie . . . "

First thing: Why would you say yes to coming to see a movie if you don't have money?
Second thing: Money isn't an object for me, I would have happily paid for them.

I get inside the mall and meet the group in the food court. To my surprise not only are the Twins there, but also Megan & Alissa, two girls who I believe I did not invite this time around. Nonetheless, I am there watching them eat food wondering what else we would be doing. Soon Rachael drags me along to see the shirt that she wants, taking a few hints that she wouldn't mind if I bought it, I soon just trudged along following the girls into which ever store they saw fit.

Here is where it gets amusing, after about my total time of being there for maybe 20 - 25 minutes. They are ready to leave, I wasn't mad just disappointed really. So we were driving back home, when I thought to myself that I'd just go see the movie by myself, what a great idea. Soon I hear the grumblings of not having any music so I put in a CD of mine, Kaizers Orchestra - Maestro, soon I hear more grumbling and complaining. Soon I just turn my CD off and switch it over to the radio so that they can choose whatever they want to listen to, after they have switched the station about 80 times, we are close to Mindy's house. I soon stop the car, so they all can get out. Alissa is the very first one out, no 'thanks' or 'goodbye' or anything really; Emily said 'thanks' and tried to give a half-hug to which I just chooed off; Mindy, Ray, and Megan stuck around to give me a hug, making excuses and apologizing simultaneously.

Soon I am off to the mall again, I stop by Five and Below, where everything is $5 and below. So I go load up on candy, etc. And I'm off to go make sure I am not late for my movie. I decide that I'll park in the parking garage on the second floor.



I was right where the 'up arrow' is on my way up to the second level of the parking garage, and there is a truck on the left of me at a STOP sign (the arrow pointing toward the right) I was I was making my ascent to the second level the truck hit me right near the back tire as she was turning. =| I was just so pissed and aggravated, like how fucking blind do you have to be to NOT see me.

Anyway.. horrible day, and its going to be a horrible week as well.

43

It was a beautiful day yesterday, metaphorically speaking. The weather was a bit of a crap shoot, but it didn't get really bad at all, mostly it was just overcast weather, with no chance of sun =/.

But I did get to see some cool kids the other day, I don't really know what to call them though. We aren't super close, but close enough to have fun if that makes any sense whatsoever. I know you are dying to know what we did for nearly four to five hours, and what we did was walk around the neighborhood where most of us live, excluding the twins.

For some reason I feel like I should post their pictures and a little bio about them, but I think that'd be a little too over the top, so uhhh.. I won't put their pictures up, instead I'll just mention their name (and the nicknames that I use and others use because they're funny) and a short thing I like about them. =)

1. Mindy (aka Minno, Molly Hayes, Bruiser)
2. Emily (aka Em, Emz, Hippie, The Other Twin)
3. Rachel (aka Ray, Re-ray, Big Butt, The Other Twin)
4. Alissa (aka Lissa, Rhona Mitra, Underworld, or Vampire)
5. Megan - doesn't really have a nickname. =)
6. Melissa (aka Mel and Gloomy B.)

The first thing you'll notice about this girl is that she is tiny, yet she has the second biggest mouth compared to Em and she is usually always smiling unless she is super pissed off. Everyone likes picking her up because she's so small, its cute sometimes, but I know she gets annoyed so I don't do it often. She is probably the only girl more likely to hangout with me & that's why I love her. =)

Haha.. The thing you'll notice about this girl is that she NEVER stops, I honestly think that Ritolan could even help her, she has ADHD to the maximum. She has the loudest mouth besides me out of the entire group, and she talks so fast that half the time you can't understand what she's saying. She is a very open girl and free-spirit and that's what I love about her. =)

This little girl is ridiculously quiet at times, but can be as loud as her twin when she wants to be. Usually she is what people would consider the 'normal' twin. But I love her all the same, I usually find her to be the more logical and down-to-earth twin. But don't let that fool you she can be wild and crazy too. =)

She has the most bluest eyes you'll ever see, and I don't mean dark blue I mean like cyan colored eyes which remind me of Serena in the movie Underworld. Usually she sticks with Emily most of the time, but she is always fun to be around. Especially when things are weird she roles her eyes in the most funniest way.

This little girl is the youngest of the group, but yet she's almost taller than me | =( It's not fair! She is usually the one you would more likely to hear scream. She has this really really weird and perverted face that makes me laugh every time she does it. She is the more likely one to coax you into swimming even though you know its cold in the water.

Hahaha.. this girl is a charm. She sort of reminds me of myself to be honest, she always has the little quips and sarcastic remarks, but she is a genuinely cool person. She can talk & laugh like a little girl and it scares me sometimes hahaha.. she also can do a New York accent which makes me laugh too. I view her as the second in command in the group I suppose. And apparently she is going to steal my Gloomy Bear shirt =/ and that is my favoritest shirt in the whole world! Luckily I have one on order =)

Ohh.. we met this new kid his name is like Kashi or Kesh, or something? But he is A.) So full of himself (cocky) and B.) A genuine a bullshitter. He kind of creeps me out, he gets too close to my face like he's going to kiss me or something, and I really really don't like it. But I find it really hilarious how ridiculous his lies are, like he knows a band's lead singer personally, etc. I really want the rest of the group to meet him (Em, Ray, Mel).

Anyway.. I am tired of writing about these people so haHA! Their ya go!

42

I can't conceive how I always put my foot in my mouth. Every single time. I have good social skills, but somehow I can't communicate how I feel about someone (aka a girl) until I finally put my foot in my mouth. Or maybe its not that at all, maybe I'm just not attractive enough, maybe I'm too fat to be with a girl.

I just feel so depressed, and I can't help it. I want to be happy and exuberant, but yet somehow I can't seem to manage it at the moment.

You know its funny, I always get hit on by gay guys, but somehow I can't manage to find the right strategy to trying to make a girl like you, or tell her you are interested without creeping her out. I don't even know what I'm talking about now. =/

My parents are right too. I live too much in a fantasy world and I can't think of all these fantastical things and daydream, yet I probably should live in reality and be boring like the rest of the world.

I don't want to feel like this anymore, why am I so dependent on girls liking me? I mean I sort of guess that it should be apart of my genes or something.

I guess that is what I get for being to nice to girls I like, maybe I should just give up talking to girls. Or at least putting out the effort. I need a friend, and I need a hug and I'd give anything in the world for those in my current state. In the end I'm a needy person, and I need a girlfriend or something I can't stand being alone for another five years. =(

41

Ah welcome back my beloved little minions.. =)

I don't think I'll be making this blog very long, I just had one thing on my mind and I think I need to get it off of it. I have been thinking recently about my decision to enlist in the Air Force, and although there are many trying to dissuade my actions to go forth and be something and do something with my life, I am going to go past it with good intentions.

Many say this or that about my decision, saying that it is quite possible that I will die out there. But I think differently, I don't give up very easily if people know me very well. I have a constant vigilance when it comes to these type of things: fighting (for what I believe in). It is quite possible that I won't make a difference at all, but if I could just change one my life will be complete! And don't you guys forget its ME you are talking about, I'm keeping my promise till the end to meet each and every one of my distant friends, you didn't think you were going to get out of it that easily did you? =)

Another song that has been on my mind is that movie Anastasia, I don't think its a Disney movie, but I like it nonetheless. The main song in that movie is just beautiful and its sort of engraved into my brain at the moment, and if you either A.) Haven't seen the movie I suggest you go see it or if B.) You have not heard the song, I suggest you listen to it below.

I'm going to post the lyrics because I find them very fascinating. =) The song is entitled 'Once Upon a December' by Deana Carter.

Dancing things, painted wings
Things I almost remember,
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December.

Someone holds me safe and warm.
Horses prance through a silver storm.
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...

(Instrumental interlude)

Someone holds me safe and warm.
Horses prance through a silver storm.
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...

Far away, long ago,
Glowing dim as an ember,
Things my heart
Used to know,
Things it yearns to remember...

And a song
Someone sings
Once upon a December

40

So I found a necklace today at the beach and I think I'm pretty sure that I am going to keep it. I know I probably should put up signs, etc. but I find that too much of a hassle to do, so I'm going to be lazy and wear it around my neck until someone calls it theirs! Simple plan eh?

So I probably went through the craziest fight yesterday, my Mom was bugging me, et cetera and basically she said that I need to grow up and things. Which I think that I more than have done, but she is right to an extent, but she went a little overboard in some areas that I don't think were necessary, nor do I feel the need to talk about it (because you will all probably call me an asshole on it, so I'd rather bite my tongue).

Well that little fight we had got me thinking, it probably IS time for me to grow up and stuff. Maybe I shouldn't be facinated about the world; Maybe I shouldn't spend all my time drawing my dreams; Maybe I shouldn't be a kid anymore; Maybe just maybe I should be like some other kids my age: The one's who party hard every weekend, or have children running around their feet already, or the one's who go out and get married, or have children.

It feels weird now that I think about it, I was watching the Inside Actor's Studio special on (what is now, one of my favorite actors): Daniel Radcliffe aka Harry Potter from the movies. I watched the entire thing (there are four parts to the whole video, like 9 - 10 minutes a piece) and a couple things got me, that I wanted to share with you, if you will let me do so.

It would be great if you watched all the videos of him being interview because he is kind of reminds me of myself, intelligent and very well spoken hahaha.. But seriously I find him to be very similar to me, in a way (for the second part). So just watch the areas I asked you to watch and I'll write below them what they meant to me (if that makes any sense).

1 --> Listen from 2:04 to 2:21 on the below video.
2 --> Listen from 2:56 to 3:45 on the video below.


Well if you watched that little tidbit, the 1st part he says he as this childlike fascination about the world, kind of like I feel that I do, I want to see the world and try to help as many people as I can and make as many friends as I can, it is quite possible that I won't make a difference in the world but I can try can't I?

The second part is fifty percent for me, I feel that I have very well-mannered social skills, and I do (I can sway any group of people, I am pretty sure) =). But I feel in terms of him talking about ". . . being crap at academics, and crap at sports. . ." I feel that if I had properly applied myself to being great at school and great at sports, maybe it would count for something, but instead I feel that I am in the same boat as Daniel in that I have good social skills and talking to people than I do at anything else.

I can make a friend in a heartbeat that isn't the hard part. The hard part is deciding whether I want to keep that friend close to me, or make them a distant acquaintance or something along those lines. I forgot exactly what my whole point was, but like I said I have good social skills yet I don't think they count as of yet!

Goodnight and I hope you enjoyed my blog!

39

God kveld!

Or good evening for those who don't speak my language! =P

On to more pressing news, actually it isn't very intriguing at all. It twas rainy all day, but only in my town (Edgewater), because I have to drive to work about twenty-five to thirty minutes away, and it was sunny at the clients house, it was like super duper hot outside and I started to get a headache from going inside to outside on a constant basis.

I'm thinking about buying some more movies, but I can't decide on which one's I would like to buy. The movie Push, I saw it in theaters and I have to admit it was a pretty decent film, although I wish it would hurry up to go to DVD. Also, I think I have too many comedy and action movies and not enough horror movies, I mean I have some, but they are more thriller movies than anything, I need to get back to the basics of horror. Hmph.. maybe I'll buy the Alfred Hitchcock collection or something similar (I mean everyone and their mother loves the movie: The Birds). Actually I wanted to buy one called, Let the Right ONe's In

I think I ate too much today, my stomach feels achy and I know I should not have drank any soda. Too many calories, I suppose. I read my friends blog and they said they'd be taking a shower for an hour (well in the bathroom for an hour anyway), I think tomorrow (since I am off for a good deal of the morning) that I will take a nice and soothing bath with some Epsom salt or something at least until I get all pruney. =)

I was swimming the other day and I saw some Moon Jellyfish in the water, but I didn't think much of it (because it's very very hard to get stung by them because their tentacles are so small, so unless you are directly in contact with them its hard to get stung). But, I have a rash on my inner thigh, but I'm not sure if its a rash or not, I just hope its not a jellyfish sting. =/

Anyway.. that is quite possibly all for now, so I bid you adieu.

~alex

38

IT'S JOHNNY!

Sorry I couldn't resist, I watched the Shining the other day and decided that's how I would open in this blog. First and foremost I would like to apologize to all of my ONE READER, who hasn't had anything to read in the morning before work, for sometime now.

The thing is, I haven't been myself as of late. My mother and stepfather, and my brothers were getting on my case more and more, and I couldn't take it anymore. So I decided in retaliation that I would be just like them (i.e. I would try to act like them instead of being myself), so I didn't go on the computer very much and decided I'd delete my Myspace and Facebook, anyway case and point, they did not like what they saw (themselves in me). Although I must admit that I did over do it, just a smidgen, but I guess that's what they needed, a taste of their own medicine.

So I'm BACK!

I can't say I'm better than ever, I still need to lose like 8 kilos or so, which I feel bad about now because I didn't do any cardio today! =/.

I know spring has passed for the most part and summer is rolling around, but I feel left out in a way. Spring usually brings people together, and I kind of miss snuggling up with a girl. Truth be told there are girls who have galloped across my gaze, but either they are too young and naive, or they aren't interested in me. Sometimes I wonder if its me, I mean, usually everything has a common denominator and somehow I feel like I AM the denominator and I don't like it. =/ It feels so surreal I suppose, because I like, actually scratch that, I'm in love (could possibly be love at first sight, but I've known her for a long time) with a certain girl, and it really worries me not knowing which way the pendulum will swing. Time will only tell.

Today was a pretty obsolete and boring day, I went to work to do a simple task, and it took me more than an hour to complete. Sometimes the basic things are the things that kill me. GAH!

I can't remember exactly which day *thinks really hard* I'm pretty sure it was Saturday, but I swam yesterday after my chores were done. My approximation on how far I swam was: 500m or so of continuous swimming. But it was fun, usually I swim by myself or my younger brother comes with me sometimes (although he did not that day), but Blake came to swim over to the pier (he's only 6 or 7, but he's cute and he reminds me of me.. haha.. probably why I keep him around) and then Aiden (he's 7) came to the beach (and I was teaching him how to swim, as he cannot swim very well, he can now swim 3 to 4 meters without any life-jacket or anything to support him). Then came a younger girl (Jae) and her friend who also swam with us.

I don't know if you will find this funny but I kind of do. I'm 20 years old, I usually have a short-shaved beard, and here I am swimming with kids who are almost half my age. Believe me I get suspicious looks from parents all the time, but only Blake's parents really know me (as I am the only one who is allowed to watch Blake at the beach). But, the other parents just look at me like I'm going to steal their children or something hahaha.. which reminds me of another thing, Aiden, the seven-year-0ld, has been coming over and knocking on my door to find out if I could "play" or if I wanted to go over his house and play video games, and to be honest part of me really wants to, yet I don't think a twenty year old and seven year old can be friends (it doesn't look right) hahaha.. I just realized that these kind of things have happened a lot to me (me being friends with people who are younger and kids asking me to 'sleep over' hahaha..)

Jeez.. I guess at heart I'm really not that old, at least not at heart anyway!

Well I guess I'll be heading off to bed and a nice shower now! =)

Goodnight to all