37

I haven't had a chance to actually sit down and type something the past few weeks, and even now I feel as though I should rush through this, even though I really want to linger and just chat away. But I can't because it is almost 2430 hours and I have yet to charge my phone.

Okay so basically to get down to the basics =/

One - I dropped a couple hints at a girl who was a tad bit younger than me (17) and she didn't really catch on to it, until like the very last hint. And right now, I'm kind of stressed because I don't know if its a good thing or a bad thing. She is friends with my little brother and his little posse (only a year ahead of him). And now I feel out of place I guess, because A.) She's younger than me, B.) My little brothers friends' friend, C.) She's at that age that when you tell someone you like them, they would tell all their friends and right now I don't need anyone to laugh at me, but I thought I saw something different in her and I hope I am right. I won't know until tomorrow. =/

Two - I have been doing very poorly at my diet, I ordered carry out the other day and I have eaten a few questionable things, and I haven't stepped on the scale in four days. I think I should give it a looksie tomorrow. It wouldn't be all that bad had I been exercising (aka swimming) when I should have been, but I am a tad bit sick right now and congested so I wouldn't be able to swim very far anyway. But then again, it wouldn't hurt either! **Surprising little fact, I looked up a calorie burned calculator and put in my workout (swimming); but anyway I swam for about 4 and half hours total last Friday and it said that I burned 7493 calories, so I think that's what I need to do three or four times a week.

Three - It is weird getting in shape and all, because I haven't really worked hard at anything in my life. Usually things come easy to me *My teachers would all tell my mom (and me) that if I would just apply myself, I could literally do anything* But I haven't found a passion to do anything, until you know I wanted to join the military ranks. And now to get into shape I chose swimming because its all I got / like doing. It reminds me of myself in karate, I got my black belt in less time than most because I work hard for things that I want. I wanted to be good at karate and so I was, now I want to be good at swimming and I think I have to become good. I don't know how any speedo's would look on me at the current moment, but I guess I could get some actual swim attire so I can get better. . .

Anyway.. I think that will be all for now, my life is teetering on the edge of my sanity. So.. haha.. I have to balance all this right now. =) Nighty-night

Until next blog. . .

36

Well hello again. Sorry I haven't been keeping you guys in the loop, it has been a while since I last blogged. The reason I haven't had time to blog, is usually I blog at night, around 9 - 10 o'clock, but I've been doing this new diet thing and I haven't been really staying up late at all AND I've lost 4 pounds (and how exciting as I have only another 24lbs. to go).

It is a pretty straight forward diet but its hard because I don't have a lot of money to buy everything, so I just try to eat what I can afford (I mean who wouldn't?) hahaha.. . . . The breakfast's are all the same, although it IS kind of bland (to me at least), it is whole-heartily and healthy for me.

1/2 a Grapefruit, 1 slice of Protein bread [toasted], and water.

Again kind of bland, but it has helped me thus far so I can't really argue.

I feel bad that I haven't wrote to my dearests blog fans much. I feel even worse that I have told a certain someone that I'd be sending them something in the mail, and yet I still have the package in my room waiting to be sent. =/

Don't ask why (because I tend to do the same thing over and over, and all I get is my response to everything: I'm weird!) haha.. but I was looking at foster care children. I just felt the need to help someone or something, I know it would be hard trying to do all this while in the military and being my age of twenty. Haha.. I can barely take care of myself let alone children, but my heart was heavy when I browsed through them, I felt sorry for them you know? I mean how could you not?

I wish my camera worked so I could show you all the cool and not so cool things about my life. =) Well I don't know if I have anything else to say, could be a while for my next blog or not, I am sitll not sure so just keep looking out for them. =)

~alex

35

I feel like one of my friends pictures for some reason, out of all the yellow flowers there are only two red ones. It kind of reminds me of my life analogy really, the fact that there are so many yellow and only a few red, I feel like the red flowers and at this time in my life I am kind of glad I am the red flower, so different from societies (yellowness) haha.. no but seriously, for once in my life I am glad, glad that I will be leaving this place and hopefully not be coming back.

Then again I feel an empty void in the pit of my stomach, no it isn't hunger I have already taken care for that part. I feel like I need something, more specifically someone! I just wish that I could have real friends, the ones that don't bullshit around all the time. I need professional friends, well in the sense that they don't bring all their trials and tribulations to the table with them, of course I don't mind helping friends, but when it is on a constant basis of wanting everyone to feel bad for them, it is kind of a one-sided friendship. One that I will no longer take part in anymore, because I am so over this stupid high school/ college drama.

I never had a lot of what I would call "friends" but I do have a select few that are REAL with me, no matter what. That is what I need, and I commend these friends for it. The three of them (*It could be four eventually, as I am talking to this girl who is into the Kaizers more than she was then studying for her exam. Hahaha). The two brothers that have been my friends more than anyone else has are for lack of a better word: awesome! =) They don't bullshit with me at all but if they ever did need help, which is very rarely because they work through their own mess, I would be there for them 500%. Chris and Andrew. I think their parents are cool, their parents like me above all their other friends (as they say it I'm a "stand up guy") hahaha..

And well there is another friend, one who I think I have a more builders friendship with (we get out our problems and help each other build from that) we build off each other, trying to make ourselves stronger so that no one can hurt us again. I love it how my friend helps me more than anyone else can, and lives further than any other as well. Hahaha.. this friend is probably the only one who will talk 'bullshit' with magic and all things being related: Harry Potter, dragons, anime, films, etc. I guess it doesn't really matter what we talk about, we usually end up having a good conversation, whenever we get the chance to have a proper one. =) This friend, which probably already knows that I'm talking about her, is probably grinning right now. This friend is my friend Tone, who makes me laugh with her odd sayings. Probably the only girl I can say that I love her who isn't related to me. =D

I went to the beach today AGAIN! =). It was a nice day yet had it been less windy it would have been a more jovial day, at least in my opinion it would have been.

I am tired of writing so blah blah blah. =) Later gators

34

So I thought I would write one blog before I went to bed, but inevitably I always forget. I watched a two and a half hour movie, in which the whole movie pretty much, for the lack of a better word SUCKED! It was a Russian film, I thought that it would have a lot more action but it very rarely had anything good. In the end it was a drama/romanticize type film, in which I don't care much about. The movie was entitled: DayWatch, so if you ever run across this film haha.. DON'T WATCH IT!

What else happened today? Oh yes, I went to the beach for about 85% of the day and it was absolutely fantastical. The water was a bit cold because the weather was overcast (but warmer than usual), luckily it became sunny as soon as I went into the water. So I really really liked swimming for hours upon hours, and this time I remembered to put on A LOT of sunscreen and nothing is really burnt on my body, well actually I am but only in a minuscule way on my cheeks (just below my eyes).

I am really thinking about going to the beach tomorrow to swim and get some exercise, etc. Hahaha.. I guess I have to actually swim, rather than just jumping off the dock like eighty times haha.. All in all it was a good day, although I wish I could have some friends to enjoy it with me, but I guess soon it'll happen, when the time is right. =)

It is actually quite funny, before I swam in the water I just sat in the sand with my feet in the water looking onward. Nature is so beautiful and I love it! It so.. indescribable really if you think about it. I can think of all these wonderful and glorious words to describe it, but in essence I don't think it is possible to do so.

Like I have said many-o-times, I will be joining the military. More so to get away from my family and see different places than anything (besides of course protecting my country). But, I need this for myself, to see the world's indescribable beauties (nature as well as the girls who live in it! =P) But seriously, I know I've just got to be proactive and just do it, instead of talking about it so nonchalantly. Like they say, Talk is cheap! So I will just continue my silent oncoming to my future.

On a different note: I love her, more than anything in the world. And I know she might be broken, but she is putting her pieces back together and I think I can help her, she's like 90% complete. I already know that I want to be with her the rest of my life and I truly believe that no matter what I will end up with her, one way or another. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but some day she will mine, and I will be hers. It actually reminds me of a quote:

Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad. ~Henry W. Longfellow

Goodnight everyone

33

In fairly recent events, I have become more cheery (cheerier??) than usual more so because of my friend helping me through some things. But, there's one thing I realized, I must undergo certain training to complete myself, hahaha.. i.e. Lose some weight that I have been wanting and trying to get off for the last year or so. But I think this time I am going to confuse the crap out of my body and just do it, no matter how much my body tells me to stop.

In addition to training the crap out of my body, I will do so with my brain as well, not to mention ACTUALLY doing karate again. Or at least the self-defense portion of it.

I want to be nothing but steel =) hahahaha..

I do not know what else to blog about, because currently it is 11:28 and everyone is sleeping, yet I am going to do the dishes I think. =)

~alex

32

It seems forever since my last blog post, and it probably has been; What with all the complications in my life right now, I very rarely have time to get out my stress by typing it into my blogs every other weekends, and as a result I think I was about to explode onto someone who very much deserved it, but I avoided it as best as I could.

I don't see it: I don't see how people can be racists, sexists, or mean and cruel. I mean we all are human are we not? So why do we seek to hurt others? To make others feel insignificant and beneath us. When the truth is, we are beneath them for trying to judge them. I know I will make a complete mockery out of myself by saying that I don't judge people. I DO, but I try "not" to do so at every opportunity that presents itself, unlike some other vaguely mentioned people who seem to get on my nerves and feel they should judge anyone and everyone, when they aren't taking things into perspective and knowing that they aren't that person they are judging. Everyone has standards and ethics, but not every one person has the dead same ones either (unless you are a robot or something).

I seem to be rambling loads of my utmost loquacious yet elegant absurdities that should be filled with hate and anger into simple run-of-the-mill text. Haha..

In other news, I have decided to write my dear friend another letter as the first letter seemed to be a dud. Somehow I can never ever get the addresses right or something? =P. But, hopefully this time it will go through, I have yet to send it because I have decided I would add a few drawings to add to her blogpost eventually. =D hahaha..

But all in all I am feeling loads better now that I've got the world off of my shoulders, and every one has stopped leaning on me. I can finally run with my free spirit instead of trembling to grasp but a few feet before falling.

Time to get going though, I think I have said more than my share of words today.