31

I feel mad right now, maybe a bit angry perhaps. I have fallen into the same trap my dear friend has, about relying too much on other people. And I realized I can't live my life according to everyone else's standards, I mean I've tried so hard to make everyone else life happy and fun, while I have been sullen and downtrodden, and I am just sick of living like this, for other people instead of living for myself. I can't stand my family, I just really can't. I mean it is alright at times, but at others I feel like they don't know me and never have.

I am different, and no I will not believe in something I know to be fake (Christianity) and pretty much what my stepdad told me is, if I don't go to church and take one hour out of my life, I can't live here anymore, among other things. He said I'm allowed to be different but only in a small way, so in otherwords I'm NOT allowed to be myself.

So I'm enlisting probably on Tuesday because no one will help me out, and I have to help myself at a constant consistency. So that's what I'll do, I don't know what or where I'll be, but I'll be me. And that is the only thing that matters.

Peace out!