I went on my Flickr account today to see that one of my friends had a new posting and I just sort of just got sucked into to it. I don't know how else to explain it, but it just did. It sort of just leaves you with a warm fuzzy feeling inside, and well let's just say I could use that fuzzy feeling right now.
I want to feel infatuation from someone other than my family. I mean I really would like to tell the girl who has been on my mind ever since I met her, how I truly feel but I can't work up enough courage to talk to her about this kind of thing. I know that the longer I wait to tell her how I feel, she could be in someone else arms. And I'll I can think about is this, and this song* runs through my mind over and over and over, and I get slightly saddened even a bit teary at times knowing that I can't say a word, at least until I meet her again. My head is always running up deviating scenarios and yet all of them end up with either our friendship losing or me getting hurt.
I'm so sick of feeling torn apart inside, I know this'll sound rudimentary and inane but I feel like there are swarms upon swarms of Dementors** around me slowly eating away at my soul. I mean I just don't know how to put how I feel down on this blog, it's a very blah mixture of different feelings. I'm trying to figure out what is my purpose in life, what am I supposed to do with it? And I can't answer it, no matter how hard I try, I mean I know why I am the way I am (it is because I'm so resilient when it comes to jobs or careers; if you tell me I need to go build a chair, I can go ahead and build it, but I don't want that to be my 'career' so to speak).
I think the fact that I am so malleable and adaptive to different things makes me somewhat quirky and peculiar. I know what I'd like to achieve someday: A good job, a great family, in a beautiful place. Yet I know not how to get there and it leaves me feeling questionable to all the possibilities at hand. Ugh.. *curses and shakes fist into the air* What do I do? At least it explains why I like Harry Potter and his series, because I just want to get away from this world and just live in a world of fantasy and fiction where anything that you dream of is possible.
Notes:
*The song is entitled Love it All by the Kooks, the link to its song on YouTube is here and the lyrics are below.
See I've got this woman here
She loves me all the time
No need for excuses
No pressures in my mind
And she said love it all, love it all, love it all
And she said love it all, love it all, love it all
My heart was living down
And I've been pushed over the line
But on your hand, it'd be broken
And I'll be all over this time
And she said love it all, love it all, love it all
And she said love it all, love it all, love it all
And she said love it all, love it all, love it all
And she said love it all, love it all, love it all
And she said love it all, love it all, love it all
And she said love it all, love it all, love it all
And she said love it all, love it all, love it all
And she said love it all, love it all, love it all
Love it all, love it all, love it all
And she said love it all, love it all, love it all
**Dementors, well lets face it if you don't know what Dementors are pretty much have no business reading my blog. =p Here is what a Dementor is:
A Dementor is a Dark creature, considered one of the foulest that inhabit the world. Dementors feed off human happiness, and thus cause depression and despair to any who are in close proximity to them. They are also capable of consuming a person's soul, leaving their victims in a permanent vegetative state, and thus are often referred to as soul-sucking fiends.
(this drawing was done by James Ortiz, not me)
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